People-Pleasing Therapy in Colorado
Ohhhhh buddy, I know what you're dealing with.
You know how someone is feeling just by the sound of their footsteps.
You can feel even the most subtle tension in the room, and you feel like it's your job to fix it.
Every time you say no, you feel like you have to justify it with a powerpoint so your excuse sounds good enough.
You automatically agree to things without asking yourself if you're actually okay with it, then resent them for it.
You are terrified to disagree with someone or tell someone they hurt your feelings.
You’re constantly reading people’s body language to predict what they want so you can keep them happy.
You feel like an inherently bad person (simply for existing), and if people like you, you think you’ve deceived them, and if they don’t, it feels like proof.
But you’re tired or worrying about everyone else, and want to put yourself first for once.
What if you could ask for what you need instead of stuffing it down to be “easy going” and say what you actually want without playing a mental game of chess?
That’s what I’m here for!
Hi, I’m Martha!
I’m a recovering people-pleaser and therapist for people-pleasers!
This is my bread and butter as a therapist because I know what it’s like to be in your shoes, which is why I LOVE helping people like me feel less like they’re in an emotional straightjacket and more like truly free agents in this world. I’ve learned a lot through my own therapy and experiences over the years, and am so nourished by passing on my wisdom to other people who desperately need it.
I promise you won’t be like this forever, things will get easier, and you’ll be able to live authentically!
XOXO,
Martha
“Why do I people-please?!”
I hear my clients critique themselves all the time for people-pleasing, as I’m sure you do. You probably wonder why you can’t just tell your friend you can’t dog-sit because you’re allergic, or why it feels so hard to say you prefer Thai food, or why telling someone they hurt your feelings is so terrifying it genuinely doesn’t feel like an option.
But people-pleasing is more complicated than that. It’s a trauma response most of us learned from a childhood where having needs wasn’t safe.
So if you’re a people-pleaser let me guess what your childhood was like…
You grew up feeling like you were walking on eggshells.
Your needs were treated like a burden.
You were called dramatic or sensitive for showing emotions.
You hid in your room a lot to avoid getting in trouble.
You did all your chores perfectly, made straight As, were involved in extracurriculars, yet you felt like you could never do anything right.
You planned when you asked for things based on your parent’s mood.
You felt small and unimportant, and spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with you.
So you adapted.
You learned to stay quiet so no one gets mad at you, act like nothing bothers you so you’re not annoying, pretend you have no needs so you won’t be yelled at, and keep the peace even if that means abandoning yourself because that’s easier than whatever happens when you don’t.
And now you’re so deep into people-pleasing that you don’t know who you are or what you want, and even picking out an ice cream flavor feels like a trick.
But let me be a beacon of hope: you’re not stuck like this!
I know it feels impossible, but you can absolutely change. I know this because you already have! Once upon a time you learned to people-please to keep yourself safe—it was a brilliant and genius adaptation to your childhood, and it PROVES how adaptable you really are. You will unlearn people-pleasing, just like you learned it.
I use a somatic approach to help people’s nervous systems catch up with reality. Right now, being honest, having needs, and disagreeing with someone feels scary because it wasn’t safe as a kid. But as an adult, that’s likely not the case. You have far more autonomy and freedom than you ever had as a kid, and your life no longer depends on keeping your parents happy and calm.
Through somatic therapy, you can teach your nervous system it’s safe to have needs, disagree with someone, be opinionated, and disappoint others.
You don’t have to be hypervigilant anymore—you can relax and just be you. <3