What to Talk About in Therapy
Deciding what to bring up in therapy can feel overwhelming, especially when there’s so much you could talk about or when it feels like there’s nothing pressing enough to discuss. Both scenarios are valid and common. Sometimes, the difficulty comes from being overwhelmed by the sheer number of possibilities. Other times, it stems from trauma or a history of having your struggles minimized. You might feel like nothing in your life is “important enough” to bring up. Let me assure you—nothing is insignificant in therapy. You can talk about anything.
It’s also important to remember that no topic is too much for your therapist. Many people worry about burdening their therapist with their struggles, but that isn’t possible. This is our job, and we are here to make space for your most challenging, messiest parts. Therapy is a place where you can bring your full self—the good, the bad, and the complicated—without fear of judgment. It’s a space to process, to heal, and to unpack even the things that feel too big or too messy to bring elsewhere.
Here are some reasons why deciding what to talk about might feel difficult and how you can make the process easier:
Why Deciding Can Be Hard
Overwhelm: When your mind feels like a tangled web of experiences, emotions, and events, choosing one thread to pull on can feel daunting. Where do you even begin? The weight of too many options can make it seem impossible to pick one, leading to decision paralysis.
Minimization: If you’ve grown up with your feelings dismissed or invalidated, you may find it hard to prioritize your concerns. You might even question whether they’re worth discussing. This learned habit of minimizing your emotions can leave you feeling like you’re wasting your therapist’s time, even when your struggles are deeply valid.
Uncertainty: Therapy can feel like uncharted territory, leaving you unsure about what qualifies as “therapy material.” You might wonder if something is too trivial, too mundane, or even too messy. The truth is, everything about your experience is worth exploring.
Tips for Choosing What to Talk About
1. Keep a Note in Your Phone
Between sessions, make a habit of jotting down things that stand out to you. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking; small moments can hold a lot of meaning. For example:
You felt shut down after an argument with a friend.
Panic overtook you while searching for parking for your Pilates class.
You noticed yourself feeling unusually tired after spending time with a certain person.
Moments like these might seem small, but they’re often windows into deeper feelings, patterns, or beliefs worth exploring. Keeping a running note helps ensure that these moments don’t get lost in the rush of daily life.
2. Use Your Therapy Goals as a Guide
What are your big-picture goals? If you’re aiming to feel more secure in yourself, reflect on recent moments of insecurity. For instance:
Did you feel unsure of yourself in a social interaction?
Did you second-guess a decision at work?
If setting boundaries is a focus, consider situations where you felt overextended or unable to enforce limits:
When did you feel stretched too thin recently?
Was there a moment when you said “yes” but wished you had said “no”?
Connecting specific experiences to your goals can give your therapy sessions a sense of direction, helping you unpack the underlying issues that keep you from achieving what you’re working toward.
3. Ask Your Therapist for Guidance
Therapists don’t expect you to have it all figured out. If you’re feeling stuck, share that. Together, you can identify what’s most pressing or use the session to reflect on why you’re feeling blocked. Sometimes, the act of admitting you don’t know what to talk about can open the door to an insightful conversation about avoidance, fear, or other underlying emotions.
4. Celebrate Progress
Not having anything difficult to talk about doesn’t mean you’re doing therapy wrong. It can be an opportunity to explore what’s coming up for you during this period of ease. For some, moments of calm can feel unsettling—like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Others might struggle to own that they’re doing well, questioning whether it’s real or worrying that they’re just faking it. Therapy can be a space to explore these feelings, validate your experience, and build trust in your progress.
Alternatively, you might not feel any of those things. Maybe you’re simply in a lighter place, and that’s okay too. Therapy doesn’t always have to be about diving into the hard stuff. Sometimes, it can be about taking time to enjoy where you are and acknowledging the work that got you there. Lighter sessions can offer a chance to reflect on what’s working and savor the progress you’ve made.
5. Evaluate Your Frequency of Sessions
If you find yourself chronically without topics to discuss, it might be a sign to adjust your therapy schedule. Reducing the frequency of sessions is not a failure; it can be an acknowledgment of your growth and a step toward independence. Taking a step back can also give you time to integrate what you’ve learned in therapy into your daily life, allowing space for new challenges and insights to emerge.
How Somatic Therapy Could Be A Natural Next Step
If you’re finding it challenging to engage with traditional talk therapy—either because you feel “talked out” or because you’re ready for something deeper—it might be time to consider somatic therapy. Unlike traditional therapy, somatic therapy focuses less on verbal processing and more on tuning into your body’s sensations, emotions, and stored experiences.
Not knowing what to talk about could signal that you’re ready to explore a new approach. Somatic therapy helps you connect with your feelings and body in ways that don’t rely on words, offering a transformative path toward healing. It invites you to step out of your head and into your body, unlocking insights that can’t always be accessed through conversation alone.
If this resonates with you, you can click the link below to learn more about somatic therapy.
Work with Me in Colorado
If you’re in Colorado, I’d love to work with you. As a somatic therapist in Denver, I specialize in helping clients with pain relief and trauma. Whether you’re navigating complex trauma, PTSD, attachment trauma, or chronic pain, my approach is rooted in compassion and collaboration. I don’t just sit back and wait for you to talk—I’m an active participant in the therapeutic process, creating a safe and supportive environment where we can work together to explore your needs and goals.
I’m here to help you reconnect with yourself, build resilience, and embrace your authentic self. Whether we’re diving deep into past wounds, addressing pain relief, or celebrating your progress, our work will be tailored to your unique journey. If you’re ready to take the next step, let’s explore how somatic therapy, including modalities like pain reprocessing therapy, can support your healing and growth.
About the Author
Martha Carter is a licensed therapist providing virtual services in Colorado. She is trauma-informed and trained in somatic, neurobiology-based modalities to help people with all types of trauma, chronic pain, and eating disorders heal from the inside out.
(Colorado residents only)
