4 Somatic Tools to Calm Your Nervous System (And Why It’s Hard When You’re Already Overwhelmed)
TL;DR
If you’re extremely dysregulated, calming down quickly can feel almost impossible — and that’s not a personal failure. Nervous system flexibility is built before crisis moments, not during them. Somatic therapy helps you build that capacity over time. But if you are in a spike right now, these four tools can help your nervous system start shifting toward safety.
Why It Can Feel Impossible to Calm Down When You’re Highly Activated
If you’ve ever tried to “just calm down” and felt like your body refused — you’re not broken. You’re likely in a survival state.
When your nervous system is highly activated, your body is prioritizing survival over logic, reflection, or self-soothing. That’s why advice like “just breathe” can feel frustrating or even shaming when you’re overwhelmed.
When you’re deeply dysregulated, you might experience:
Racing heart
Tight chest or throat
Urges to escape, shut down, or numb out
Feeling disconnected or foggy
Muscle tension or chronic pain flares
Compulsive or managing behaviors meant to take the edge off
This is your nervous system trying to protect you — not sabotage you.
And here’s the piece many people don’t hear:
The ability to calm down quickly is usually built outside of crisis moments.
Trying to learn regulation when you’re already at a 9 or 10/10 activation level is like trying to learn to swim in a hurricane. It’s not impossible — but it’s much harder.
Managing Behaviors vs. True Nervous System Deactivation
Many things we do help us manage activation, but don’t create true settling.
Managing behaviors might include:
Numbing out with substances or distractions
Doom scrolling
Skin picking or repetitive self-soothing behaviors
Overworking or staying busy to avoid feeling
These make sense. They helped you survive.
But true nervous system deactivation feels different. It feels like:
Your body softens on its own
Your breath deepens naturally
You feel more present, not just distracted
You can think and feel at the same time
This is where somatic therapy focuses — helping your system learn safety, not just chase relief.
The Preventative Piece: Nervous System Flexibility
The goal isn’t to never get activated.
The goal is flexibility:
➡ Moving into activation when needed (say you see a snake on a hiking trail)
➡ Moving out of activation when it’s safe
➡ Returning to connection, presence, and choice
Somatic therapy builds this by repeatedly helping your body experience:
Activation →
Supported settling →
Integration →
Return to engagement
Over time, your nervous system learns:
“I can come back.”
This is why deeper somatic work often reduces chronic tension, stress cycling, and emotional overwhelm — not because you’re forcing calm, but because your system trusts safety more.
4 Somatic Tools That Can Help During a Crisis Moment
These are not replacements for deeper work.
But they can help create small shifts when you’re overwhelmed.
1. Longer Exhales (Not Just “Deep Breathing”)
If breathing exercises annoy you — you’re not alone.
Try this instead:
Inhale naturally
Exhale slowly for longer than you inhale
Example:
Inhale 3
Exhale 5
Longer exhales signal to your nervous system that the threat might be passing.
If breath feels overwhelming, skip it. There are other options.
2. Find One Neutral or Pleasant Body Sensation
Your brain is wired to scan for danger.
You’re helping it widen the lens.
Try noticing:
Feet touching the floor
Back against a chair
Warm hands
Air on your skin
Then stay there for 10–20 seconds.
This isn’t toxic positivity.
It’s nervous system rebalancing.
3. Orient to Safety Around You
Slowly look around and name:
5 things you see
4 things you can touch
3 things you hear
Go slow. Let your eyes actually land on things.
You’re showing your nervous system:
“I’m here. I’m now. I survived.”
4. Follow the Body’s Urge to Move or “Do”
Survival states create movement impulses, often to do something (like run away from danger or prepare to fight it off).
Instead of suppressing them, try safe expression:
Push into a wall
Walk or run
Workout
Kick
Grunt or scream into a pillow
If your body wants to push, kick, or release tension — that’s nervous system intelligence.
The Bigger Picture: Why Somatic Therapy Makes These Tools Work Better
These tools are most effective when your nervous system has practiced safety repeatedly.
In somatic therapy, we don’t just talk about stress.
We help your body experience settling in real time.
Over time, this builds:
Faster recovery from stress
More access to calm states
Less reliance on managing behaviors
More capacity for conflict, honesty, and boundaries
Less chronic nervous system bracing
This is what nervous system healing actually looks like — not forcing calm, but building capacity for it.
If You’re In Colorado and Want Deeper Nervous System Work
If you feel stuck in cycles of overwhelm, shutdown, tension, or chronic stress — you don’t have to figure this out alone.
I offer immersive therapy sessions designed to help your nervous system experience real settling and flexibility, not just short-term coping.
Conclusion
If calming down feels hard, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.
It’s because nervous systems learn safety through experience — not willpower.
You deserve support that helps your body feel safe enough to soften, not just strong enough to push through.
And until deeper flexibility is built — it’s okay to use tools that help you get through the moment.
Both matter.
About the Author: Therapist Boulder
Martha Carter is a licensed therapist providing virtual services in Colorado. She is trauma-informed and trained in somatic, neurobiology-based modalities to help people with all types of trauma, chronic pain, and eating disorders heal from the inside out.
(Colorado residents only)
